The Ocean

I went to the ocean yesterday.

I love how the waves lightly kiss the shore, the seagulls swoop and dive above us, the sound of the ocean's roar as it pounds the surf, and, from far away underneath the dim horizon, how the sun (even though it was much too cloudy to see the sun yesterday) seems to touch the water and sink below the ocean's waves at sunset. I love the whole atmosphere at the sea, the smell, the feel, the sights and sounds...It's all slightly overwhelming to someone who once felt the whole world rested on her shoulders.

It's humbling to witness a great spectacle, to gather sand dollars and sea shells and feel like you're a part of something great... Or at least watching it unfold before your eyes. Whenever I go to the ocean I always become a little wistful, a little romantic, knowing that right beyond this barrier of powerful waters lies another world and country where everyone around you speaks a different language and lives completely different from the world you know. I always feel an irrational urge to dive headfirst into the waves and feel myself drift away towards something better (or worse), to give my fate to someone who knows what to do with it and watch the world transform.

If only we could float, and not drown. I think that's the whole point, though, in drowning instead of floating. It's that quick decision you make right before you do something potentially dangerous and life-threatening. I love free will. And I hate it. If only God could just tell us what He wants us to do without all these doubts surfacing and creating havoc on a mind already stressed and depressed. If only it were that easy.

The truth is, we won't be able to swim to that other country just by letting ourselves float along the ocean current. We'll end up sinking to the bottom of the ocean without those few kicks and arm movements to get us going on our way. The current can only do so much; we do the rest.

So, using that logic and newfound wisdom, I think I'll start kicking through the waves trying to pull me down to the ocean floor. I'll try...but I'll need some help. From God, from other people...and from myself. I hope I won't disappoint. And, most importantly, I hope I'll get some assistance.

I don't think I need to spell it out for you to understand.